Choices and Regret in "Still Life"

     Throughout this piece, Mark seems to be trying to convince himself of something.  He is processing, sorting out his own decisions.  He does so in as few words as possible and in a way that sounds less like a true monologue and more like a dialogue with two sides of himself.  He starts off by discussing the choice he had in going along with the draft.  He had alternatives.  He knew that at the time and he is perhaps even more aware of them now.

     Before each big choice we make, there is a moment where all of the possibilities are still out there.  No paths have been cut short, though we can't see down any of them.  We can't fully predict the possibilities of our yet undone actions.  For some of our choices, remnants of that moment remain in us.  We revisit that world from time to time, the world that existed before we made our choice.  That is what Mark is doing.  He made quite a few choices in the war, and with each choice, created such a world inside himself, painful and sharp like shrapnel.

     There came a time when all of the paths really were cut off and he didn't have any more choices.  That was after the first time he kills someone.  His mind tries to come up with some rational, some reason that this is necessary, but he knows there is none.  He also knows that he's going to kill anyway, and he does.  After the first kill, there's no taking it back anymore.  He can't undo what he has become.