"Lethal" by Joyce Carol Oates

"Lethal" was a very provoking prose. It utilized a lot of sensory imageries, especially vivid visual imageries. Even though this prose was a monologue, it managed to tackle the whole situation by giving the context of the protagonist's surrounding in his sentences. I could never read the beginning of the prose the same way I read it the first time once I finished it. When I first read this prose aloud, I read the first part slowly. The dashes and commas in this part of the prose further slowed the pace. It gave me a sense of romance where the protagonist was taking his time to savor his partner. Also, he did not want to hurt his partner by emphasizing the phrase, "a little". I read the phrase, "Don't giggle! Don't squirm!" as a response to his partner's fear of tickling.

However, the next phrase changed the mood of the whole story. It introduced a new atmosphere and gave the protagonist a new voice. He sounded harsh and demanding. I was confused but the parallel sentences from the first part continued and I was brought back to the first point, but now, I was slightly disturbed. The lucid context of ejaculation amplified this feeling. The sense of romance was lost. The demanding sentences that followed made me feel very uneasy. The phrase, "Thank you," hinted that this was not an interaction of mutual benefit that I initially thought it was. As the sentences shifted from "I" to "you", they got shorter. I read them with increased pace and rhythm. Even though the same phrase, "A little," was used in this latter part of the prose, the emotion that I got was far from the initial one. I felt a sense of urgency that the protagonist experienced to satisfy his needs and desire. But, the way he used to satisfy himself was not acceptable to the public (and perhaps, his morality). He was extending the "you" from his victim to the public (or even his alter ego) as he reflected on possible punishments as a result of his actions.

In viewing the prose as a whole, this was the stream of thought that a rapist experienced. He was reassuring himself that he was not harming his victim by using "a little" in the first part of the prose. There was an internal debate between desire and righteousness towards the end of the prose. His desires were the one that drove him to do what he did and they were his innate actions. Hence, they defined his life. Since they were not acceptable, he had to fight his desires, and thus his life - "You want to make me fight for my life, is that it?"

Many a times, as a finite being, I have to make choices in my daily life. And most of all, I seem to be obliged to make the right choices. Some choices are more difficult to make than others, especially those that go against my strong, compelling desires. Often times, I have to give up something - the opportunity cost - to live up to the image that I should portray. Is there an image that I have to live up to? Should there be an image to live up to? Should I make THE right decision or should I simply, make MY right decision?